Story Time

Story Time: Luxury Bikes…Because That’s a Thing

I’m going to first start off by saying that OK Cupid is a scary place. Recently, I have made and disabled my account in less than a week. There’s just something unsettling about everyone being able to contact you. Also, all the names on OK Cupid are usernames, which is kind of weird. It’s like when you made up names on MySpace or creepy chat rooms. Not the business.

how-i-feel-after-having-unsuccessful-months-on-okcupid-24536One day, I got a message from a guy that was in the area asking to grab a bite to eat at Yard House. Seemed harmless enough, right? WRONG. When I got there, he was sitting at the bar, which was fine, it just didn’t give us a whole lot of privacy to talk and to get to know each other. I asked him if we could go get a table, so we start heading toward the front desk. He was very insistent on getting a booth for some unknown reason. I was perfectly fine with just a table. He was so insistent on getting a booth that he asked the hostess for a booth that hadn’t even been cleaned yet. When the hostess told us to go back to the front to wait for the table to be cleaned, he interrupted her to ask if we can just sit there to save it. Save it. Yes, sir, because someone is going to take a booth with a dirty table when you clearly need to wait to be seated. She and I both looked at him with horrified expressions on our faces. She spoke first, “You want to sit at a dirty table and wait there and watch us clean it?” I too was amazed at the sheer stupidity of that statement. Opting out of talking, I just stood there with a WTF expression on my face whilst shaking my head and mouthing “no” over and over again. This was off to a great start.

After we were seated, we ordered our drinks. The waitress and I participated in friendly banter as we discussed which drinks are good from the menu. After she left, he rudely remarked on how it was weird that she was talking to me for so long. Apparently, the waitresses don’t really talk to him that often; they just take his order and leave. Hmm, I wonder why…

cf882f7a53fd94d8e8812d69e208f1ec7a17b19a2c90f2314cb1a9adc2a77dadWe started talking a little bit and he mentioned that he worked for a luxury bicycle company. I had to admit that I didn’t know how to ride a bike and to be quite frank I don’t have much interest in bicycles. He then proceeded to talk about bicycles for the remainder of the date…WHY WOULD YOU CONTINUE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU KNOW THE OTHER PERSON HAS NO INTEREST IN? I really do not care about $20,000 bicycles. As I  mentioned earlier, I really do not care much about bicycles at all. Period.

Additionally, he tried to tell me that cycling is the new golf. For some reason, I’m not quite buying it. First of all, is gold really all that interesting? Is that really an accomplishment to become the new golf? Why am I even thinking these things? The conversation was getting so painfully boring that I caught myself scanning the room for the waitress to bring us the check. I had never been that rude on a date before, but if I heard the word “bike” one more time I was going to lose it.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally able to flag down our waitress and have her bring us the check. Well, it was two hours of my time, but at least I get a free meal, right? WRONG. He asked to split the check. I didn’t even get a free meal after having my ear talked off about a subject that I had no interest in. If I had known that this was my impending doom, I would have split when he asked to sit at the dirty table. Notice how I never mentioned his name? I actually don’t remember it. I’d have to check OK Cupid to find out what it was, but oh wait, I deactivated it.

*Update: He sent me a message telling me that it wouldn’t work out between us. I’m so heartbroken. Bummer.

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