Story Time

Story Time: Bumble Date – Laziness & Short-Term Memory Loss

oprahUntil recently, I only dated guys who I met in person. I met most of them in school, and surprisingly, only one at a bar. There is one exception to my exclusive in-person dating network that includes a Facebook message, but that is a different story. This story is about my first date using the Bumble App.

If you don’t know what Bumble is, it is sometimes known as, “the feminist Tinder,” because women are in control of the conversations. Men are only able to message a woman if she has initiated a conversation. It’s a pretty great way to make sure you don’t waste your time, or anyone else’s because you only message a guy you really want to talk to.

My first week using Bumble involved me being very picky about who I was swiping right on. Only selecting guys who had a career, nice photos, education preferably listed and at least a sentence in their “About Me” section. Looking back, I wonder if I was being foolish and shallow – mostly because I am scraping the bottom of the barrel these days. However, despite my selectivity I matched with several guys quite quickly.

Now, I’m sure there are some individuals out there who just throw out a: “Hey! How is your week going?” I, however, like to scan my match’s pictures or “About Me” in search of something to comment on or ask about. I think it shows a more genuine interest. My two cents.

One of the first guys I messaged was really cute, he mentioned he was a high school history teacher and he lived locally. “All good things,” I thought. He had a fun picture of himself holding up a Christmas stocking and holding two mandarin oranges and a banana in a phallic arrangement. I laughed to myself and thought of my own mom and how she also puts fruit in my stocking (not in quite the same configuration though). I used that as my icebreaker and boom! We hit it off! He asked me out for happy hour later in the week and we confirmed the plans.

The date started out fine, he bought me a drink and an appetizer and we had a somewhat decent conversation. I say, “somewhat decent,” because he swore a lot and revealed his worst trait – laziness.

xy5h8 I am by no means a saint and sometimes have the mouth of a sailor, but I would not swear as much as he did within the first 20 minutes of meeting a new person. You need time to gauge someone else’s personality and comfort levels before you begin speaking so casually. Beyond the swearing, he admitted that it took him five years and three schools to earn his Bachelor’s degree, which could be understandable if there are certain things riding against you. However, I got the impression that may have not been the case.

When I asked him about being a high school teacher, he admitted he was only substitute teaching at the moment and would be starting his full credential program next fall. Surely he meant this upcoming Fall, 2016 – I asked for clarification. Nope, 2017. Confused about the timeline, I asked for him to explain what happened in the time he graduated with his Bachelor’s degree to now. Turns out, he started off by getting his substitute teaching certification to get some experience in teaching and also got a job at a winery’s tasting room on the weekends, which is pretty common in my area. When he tried to apply for the Fall, 2016 credential program, he was denied due it being impacted.

I carefully asked why he did not apply for the credential program straight out of his Bachelor’s degree. To which he replied, “Honestly, I was just lazy.” Well, that was certainly honest!

Second piece of advice, even if you are trying to be honest about who you are – do not admit to being lazy, boring, messy, grumpy, picky or any other undesirable trait. Even if it is true! There is always a better way of saying it, without being dishonest. If he had said he felt he needed a break from school, I would have totally been able to relate. Instead, I just felt really unenthusiastic about the rest of the date.

krxdpy8After we finished our drinks and appetizer, he took me around the corner to a sports bar that had shuffleboard. As I was unloading the box on the table, he wrote our names down on the chalkboard to keep score. “Your name has all i’s and no y’s in it, right?” he asked. Impressed that he remembered the spelling of my name, which has at least half a dozen spelling variations, I said, “Yep, you got it.” That is when I turned around to look over my shoulder at the chalkboard. “Oh,” I said. “My name is Kaitlin. Not Kristin.”

The fool forgot my name. My name, that is clearly visible on Bumble, that he should have entered correctly into is phone when I gave him my number. He turned a very unflattering shade of pink and said a simple, “Oh shit.”

He apologized profusely and said he would not blame me if I wanted to walk away right then and there, but I waved him off and told him it was a simple mistake. I could tell he felt awful and at that point I really did not care. I knew there would not be a second date, so I let it go. The rest of the date consisted of me beating him in nearly every game we played and him laying the affection on thick. At 9 o’clock I was done and told him I needed to get home. He walked me to my car and tried to give me a kiss goodbye. To which, I turned my head away and said goodnight.

A few days later he asked if I had plans for the upcoming weekend and I told him the truth – that I did not feel a connection and I did not envision us going on a second date. Thus ending my first Bumble dating experience.

Have you had any hilariously bad first dates with someone you met through a dating app?

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